My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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