I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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