i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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