Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
