I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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