hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
