My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
