just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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