i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
