I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
