I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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