so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
