So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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