and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize