this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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