We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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