come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
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He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
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He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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