Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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