I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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