I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
