The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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