You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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