i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
