come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize