dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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