Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
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I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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