i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
