he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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