every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he was CRYING into my vagina
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
