You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
