I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
