What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
bring money and cleavage
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
