May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
