I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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