an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
