He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
