if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
