you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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