You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
