Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it hurts more in the daytime
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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