Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
