I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
