i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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