12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
