so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's never too late to be topless.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
