I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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