I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
