I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
