I'm really into asian looking animals
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I love having hate sex.
You took a bar mat shot.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
