he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
