So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
