I'm gonna have a badass scar
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
