Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
