ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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