You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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