my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
