he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
