he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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