If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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