i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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