I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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