then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
