I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
