My liver just broke up with me...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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