it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
