dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
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we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
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I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere