k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
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His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
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thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?