i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale