Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?