Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
